Paging Mr Swordsman
by RosiePeverell
Summary: Zoro gets lost in a supermarket. Sanji does something unforgivable. (If you like this here, please also give it a kudos on ao3! /works/1055324)


_Peas… Cauliflower… Broccoli… Where the hell do they keep the potatoes?_

Zoro stands in the middle of the produce department, turning in a slow circle. None of the shop assistants will stop and help him, despite his confused expression. This is the third time he's been here and they know by now that Zoro will wave them away and continue to stare at the shelves, saying that he can find the damn potatoes by himself. It just might take a while.

Finally he spots them, nestled in between the whole pumpkins and bagged onions. He picks up two of the 10kg sacks (with POTATOES written in big red block letters over the front) and slings one over each shoulder. From behind the fruit display a short, chubby girl wearing a green apron over her store uniform is watching him with wide eyes. He ignores her and sets off in the opposite direction, towards the fridges where the meat is kept.

Now all he has to do is find Sanji.

The cook isn't down any of the aisles, nor is he checking the food out at the cash registers. Either Sanji is hiding or he's left already. Zoro won't admit that he's gotten himself lost. _Again_. He becomes aware that two shop assistants are trailing him from a safe distance – the girl from before and a gangly teenage boy wearing glassless black frames and a hairnet. Without warning he whirls around, face set in a scary snarl, and the two of them stumble backwards into a display of chocolate bars before hastily walking away.

He freezes in mid-step when he hears something awful come over the speakers.

_"Is there a Roronoa Zoro in store? If so, please come to the information kiosk. Roronoa Zoro?"_

His first instinct is to drop the potatoes and get the hell out. His second instinct is to find that shitty cook and use the heavy sacks to bludgeon him to death.

He turns in a slow semi-circle, eyes raking over the dozen busy checkouts stretching out before him until he rests on the kiosk by the entrance, where Sanji is waiting. The lanky blond's legs are crossed over as he leans on the counter, absently tapping his pack of smokes against it. The lady behind the desk watches the pack of smokes dance up and down, up and down, as if following a tennis match.

Zoro shifts the weight of the bags on his shoulder and starts towards the desk, grinding his teeth, cheeks red with mortification. Sanji spots him as he nears. _I'm gonna strangle him with his own intestines_, Zoro promises himself as he walks, staring the cook down.

It looks like Sanji is barely holding back a smile as he watches Zoro make the walk of shame. He stops tapping the smokes and straightens up, putting the packet in his pants pocket and unfolding his legs with, Zoro feels, an air of relish. He points at the trolley and Zoro dumps the bags inside, putting all of his rage into his eyes. He'd be surprised if they are, in fact, _not_ glowing red with little flames dancing inside.

Sanji turns back to the kiosk woman and says smugly, "We found him. Thank you, my dear." The woman blushes then starts as Zoro roughly grabs Sanji's elbow and forces him around. The cook moves without much trouble. Surely he's aware of his fate. Perhaps he's decided to die without resistance?

Through gritted teeth Zoro says, "What the _hell_… are you doing?"

"Rather than wander around the store looking for you I decided to cut down on time and enlist the help of this lovely lady. This is a pretty big store, so I'm not surprised you got lost."

"I wasn't lost!"

"This is the first time I've seen you in almost half an hour, and all you came back with was potatoes. We don't even _need_ potatoes."

"Shut up."

Sanji sighs. "I still have a few things to get, and I'm not letting you out of my sight again." He grabs the arm that Zoro's still using to grip Sanji's shoulder and wrestles it away, before placing Zoro's hand on the side of the metal trolley. "Stay like this."

"You're kidding! I'm not doing that!"

"It's either this or you sitting in the hot car until I'm done. Or maybe you could sit inside the trolley…"

"Make me do that and I swear I'll leave you here and take the car with me."

"You can't drive."

Sanji calmly stares him down until Zoro feels his resolve start to waver. They don't live in this town – they're camping with Luffy and the others down by the river for a week. None of the people here know him, so he supposes…

"_Fine_." He puts his hand back on the side of the trolley, ignoring Sanji's triumphant smile. The kiosk girl squeaks when he glares at her, too.

"I really hate you," he says to Sanji, but most of the venom is gone from his voice and now he simply sounds like a man who's given up. Wandering around the store with two lumpy sacks of potatoes was very tiring, and he's kinda just glad that he found Sanji again at all.

He allows himself to be led towards the bread aisle, shamefully avoiding everyone's eyes while Sanji grins victoriously beside him.


End file.
